A WEEK IN GORE - JULY 21st 2013

    Welcome dear viewer to a new regular feature in the world of Kensington Gore,. A little update of the week I've had. Hope it raises a laugh and makes you smile.

    Which is a damn sight more than what happens to me most weeks I can bloody tell you.

    I'll try and update it every week with fun and interesting things. But as my friend, Fryer Tucker, who owns the local chip shop often says, "take it with a big pinch of salt!"

    I'm here to entertain as life is too short to be miserable, well it is at my age. Mind you sometimes I get a lot of fun out of being bloody miserable.

    As I write this The Royal baby is due any second and he or she will one day be our Monarch. Unless of course they turn out like most of the youth of today - demoralised at the state of the country, their future and their lack of job prospects.

    "Bloody hell who wants to be King or Queen of a country where all I have to look forward to is working in a call centre or in bloody McDonalds?! Does one, want fries with that?"

    I do have a Royal exclusive. Whether the child is a boy or a girl, they plan to take a leaf out of The Beckham's book and name it after where it was conceived. So world exclusive the future Monarch is to be called "Back of the Palace bins!"

    So what else has been going on this week?

    On Monday I engaged a new secretary who was very inexperienced. But now all I need is someone to do the shorthand and typing. She's a game girl, but I need to set some rules that she has to stop wearing low cut tops as I'm trying to cast actors for my new film and the only actors I keep thinking of at the moment are Yul Brynner and Telly bloody Savalas!

    On Tuesday:

    Sadly I had to let my new secretary, Miss Spelling, go. Marge caught her taking things down incorrectly-her G-string!

    It's probably for the best her shorthand wasn't that short, her typing speed was stuck in neutral and I had caught her putting correction fluid onto the computer screen!


    I ran into a painter friend of mine who is so devoted to his art that he actually invited a young lady back to his studio to show her his etchings and actually gave her one! An etching that is!!

    Thursday - Saturday

    For the last few days I have been engrossed in the second ashes test match at Lords. A place where I have bowled many a maiden over. Where I once showed Marge my googly and she got excited about my Chinaman.

    England look like they're thrashing the Aussies in this test and retaining the Ashes quite easily. My wife Marge can't believe they are playing for some old burnt out cricket stump. Compared it to playing for me and thinks they must have been smoking some well mowed grass to come up with that trophy!

    Cricket is one of the most complicated games in the world to explain to a woman, especially an American woman that was brought up on baseball. She kept asking why do they only count the third man, who has the longest leg off and shouldn't silly mid off wear a clown’s nose?

    She kept shouting for a home run and asking why the "pitcher keeps rubbing his ball on his groin?" She wanted Jimmy Anderson to get his stump out and get his Leg over her wicket and catch her from behind!

    Until next week dear viewer TTFN, Kensington Gore

    1 Comment

    • 1. Jul 21 2013 6:39PM by Melissa McRee

      You are the only person I know who can make "does one want fries with that?" sound classy. Very funny blog, my dear man! Love it!

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